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A Protectionist is Someone Who…

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… is frightened, offended, and angered upon waking up on Christmas morning to find beneath the tree gifts for himself.  The protectionist rejects the gifts and demands instead to be conscripted by his neighbor to work to produce as many as possible goods and services for delivery to the evil gift-giver.  And the protectionist wants in return for the goods and services that he delivers to the evil gift-giver only engraved pieces of paper that the protectionist vows to stash forever into his mattress.

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