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Classy vs. Brassy

Isn’t it time for a debate between Laura Bush and Teresa Heinz Kerry? The Washington Post reports that poor Laura is being harried with unending questions about her more colorful challenger.

Laura Bush has heard enough Teresa questions.

“Every interview,” the first lady says, shaking her head when asked how often she’s being queried on her outspoken counterpart, Teresa Heinz Kerry.

Teresa, Teresa, Teresa.

“It was the last question I got from the St. Paul reporter at the last event,” Mrs. Bush says. She got Teresa questions from reporters in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Michigan on Monday, and in Wisconsin and Minnesota Tuesday. And there’s still Iowa left to go before Mrs. Bush wraps up her two-day tour of scripted sweetness and devotion to George W. Bush — in other words, her “I’m Not Teresa Tour.”

A Laura—Teresa slugfest would make the impending Cheney—Edwards snoozefest look like a late night infomercial for the vegematic. It would probably outdraw Bush—Kerry.

Teresa definitely wins the beer battle. But it may not apply to first ladies. Tea may be more what the American people are looking for.

Why limit the competition to a debate? How about a heptathlon? The faceoff is held in a studio created to look like the White House. Each contestant would have to host a brunch for the DAR, meet with school children visiting from Ohio, lead a task force on education policy, film a public service announcement about some social problem, defend her husband at an impromptu press conference, sit next to a drunken Prime Minister of a foreign nation at a three hour state dinner and finally, waltz with her husband wearing a dress designed in the nineteenth century. The hard part is waltzing while you’re holding the javelin. (A hat-tip to Don Cox for inspiration.)