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Assistance Please!

I will soon begin writing a book on globalization.

As a consequence, I wonder if Uncle Sam will consider me to be a worthy candidate for "trade-adjustment assistance" — that is, to pay me if I can demonstrate that I suffer from foreign competition.  After all, the world is full of superb, non-American writers on globalization, such as Johan Norberg and Martin Wolf.  The books these gentlemen have written, and will surely write in the future, might well reduce market demand for my book, causing me to earn less income than I would earn were I protected from the competition of these and other foreign writers.

Why shouldn’t I apply for such assistance?  If being subjected to foreign competition entitles blueberry and lychee-nut growers, catfish farmers, and several bushels of other American producers to taxpayer money, aren’t I also entitled to have my representatives on Capitol Hill pick Americans’ pockets on my behalf?